We all want a quick fix. When interacting with and being around people who make us sad inside we want it fixed now, last week preferably. However situations such as these take work. Not on the other party- sadly you can’t (or shouldn’t in some cases) attempt to control them. The work is being done on you. The bonus or up side here is that you get what you give. Investing effort in negating the burden of passive aggressive or hostile behaviour can be deeply rewarding eventually.
Taking time for self work is one of the greatest acts of love you can perform. On a personal level it can pave the way to less stress and anxiety, leading to more happiness confidence and wellbeing. Translate this out into the universe and you are projecting that same love onto the people you interact with. I think it’s safe to say that self love is an act of service to all. I hope I’ve just managed to convince you to take time for this process. So many of us don’t, under the false belief that it is self centred and selfish. It is only as selfish as it is selfless! As I said, everybody benefits so get on it.
One of the main reasons why negative behaviour has such an impact upon us is because a part of us resonates with it. A lack of self confidence or love can leave an emptiness within us which can then turn on its owner creating insecurity and a belief that we are lacking somehow (We aren’t. We are only lacking our own love). So, when someone implies something negative about us either through their words or behaviour a part of us agrees with it, thus reinforcing our negative thought patterns and making us feel even sadder. Even if a comment causes outrage and you *know* the words or behaviour are wrong the fact that it has induced a negative response in you means that you don’t necessarily *feel* it to not be true. This is where work on true appreciation of ourselves can really come into it’s own.
I hope you agree that other people’s behaviour towards us is just the tip of the iceberg in these situations! The route to our hurt and discomfort goes back to how we feel about ourselves but this is actually good news as it puts control squarely back at our door- hurrah! So where do we start? It’s here I can tell you where I started and what I do. This is far from prescriptive as there are many ways to achieve a better relationship with ourselves. Neither do I list here *everything* I do as this is a blog not a book! But what we are about to talk about is where I started and indeed what has had the most profound effect on my relationship with me and turn toxicity on its head.
Are you ready to get both into and out of your discomfort zone? I am a huge believer in the work of Louise Hay. I wasn’t always, oh no. I was incredibly dismissive of her but in all honesty that is probably because I was equally as dismissive of myself. These days though I take time to ensure that is no longer the case, she has helped me tremendously. The most powerful technique I have learned from her has minimal requirements and expenditure. You do not need to disappear on a shamanic journey across the world (though feel free), study ancient texts or speak in tongues. You just need a mirror.
What I am asking you to do is what I was asked to do and no lie it was a huge ask to begin with. Every day I was to look at my reflection and tell mirror Annie “I love you” over and over again. Initially, judging by the look on mirror Annie’s face she felt just as awkward and believed it just as little as I did. However she was saying it back so I guess we were united on two fronts- we were in it together. There were times where we both felt like liars and other times where we couldn’t make eye contact. A lot of those times actually. Still we stuck with it and I would like to believe that was due to a desire for spiritual growth and ascension as opposed to inherent narcissism.
I’m pleased to report progress over time. Initial awkwardness and disbelief lead to giggling hilarity to outright enjoyment. I realised that after a while not only did I become my friend but I also developed a love of things I previously disliked about myself. Sadly, we spend a lot of time in front of the mirror for all the wrong reasons, staring at parts we wish were different or could fix (again, physical manifestation of our own lack of self love and acceptance). But if we look in the mirror as someone who loves the person staring back a kind of magic occurs where we don’t see things to fix but to celebrate. We hold ourselves differently and honestly the love on the inside will be reflected on the outside. Please do not think this exercise is about the external alone or is in anyway shallow. It is about visualising the normally invisible (to us) person most important to our lives and allowing the divine spark in us all to show through and radiate brightly.
If you do decide to begin mirrorwork be sure to do it on the daily. Also if you are as self conscious as I was (-still can be. I’m 4D not 5D), do this when you are alone or at least around someone you feel comfortable with. Let’s be honest, nothing negates the notion of self acceptance than whispering it to yourself out of fear you’ll be heard by someone!
Self love and acceptance are the first and largest steps we need to take in order to dispel the toxicity of other people’s lacking behaviour. We want to get to the point of truth. That their behaviour is about them. It is not our truth but theirs, we have no ownership of that projected lack. This way the only feelings you will have towards that person is compassion, love and sympathy. Who knows, you may even want to escort them to the bathroom and lock them in there for a bloody long time. Consider that another service to humanity, well, as long as you don’t get arrested for abduction……
Love to you all and as ever drop me a line on anything you want to discuss (either here or via the ‘gram),