Quite the year wasn’t it? I for one started it off on an incredibly optimistic note. Notions of further exploring my spirituality, pushing past toxic programming and subliminal self deprecation were well intended yes but the reality was shall we say, a little more brutal?? This makes me laugh actually and perhaps I needed to have an under appreciation of how trying the whole process would be and the subsequent fall out this year otherwise I could well have hot footed it right back to a comfortable position of limited awareness. Pleased to say I did not. Hurrah! I learned to be careful what you wish for however. Not to say I regret my decisions but they came with deep truths and soul searching.
2018 was most certainly the year of the hermetic loner. Not only forced to confront so much about myself and the ways in which I have been living my life courtesy of rather catastrophic events coupled with energy shifts which on the regular made me feel the whole spectrum of ‘ascension’ symptoms (which we have discussed previously) all I really wanted to do was stay home, stay grounded and work through the whole messy situation. I have felt layer after layer of unnecessary and outmoded patterns surface up from my subconscious to be aired, sat with and transmuted into hard won lessons.
I learned a lot about dissatisfaction and resistance. Having been in appreciation of the fundamental nature of the universe and how its energy works with or against you, I really experienced resistance and contrast. Working your way through this can be so hard, the energy around you boggy and dense almost as though you are grinding yourself down further into the mire. If you too have had this experience I empathise and send you my love. What I would wish to say to you here is that the one thing guaranteed to make you worse in my experience is to ‘resist the resistance’. Sounds crazy to some I am sure, after all we are told to go in the opposite direction the minute we feel it setting in but this year I treated it differently. I sat with and accepted it. I found that the minute I could accept my nonacceptance of a situation its heaviness lessened and I was able to mold it into something rather different. There are some major areas of my current existence I wish to change but I also understand the nature of transition and the barriers we can put in the way.
Knowledge really is power though, so being mindful of an influx of irritability and restlessness or indeed sadness and feelings of hopelessness and why they are here I have found so helpful as opposed to sweeping it all under the carpet. Airing these feelings has helped me to realise where they have come from and what lessons they have served me. I have a much stronger sense of self and sense of direction I am taking my life in. They will resurface over time I am sure, they come round to test us but have begun to lessen greatly in their impact on my soul and physical experience. Despair and frustration are turning into self love and building new beginnings which is actually rather exciting. There are going to be new roads for Annie to travel this year.
I have to say here though that I could only get myself so far. I’m not sure any of us are meant to be isolated from the rest of humanity to depths I went to at times! I realised that I needed to be connected to a slice of spiritual wisdom in human form and pretty much pleaded with the universe to help me find a teacher who could guide me through this process into and out of places I knew I would never willingly be able to take myself in spite of outer claims to the contrary. The universe answered my call and I am so happy to say that I am now under the guidance of one of the most knowledgeable intuitive and in touch women I have ever had the fortune to meet. Estelle Gillingham is an ethereal in human form who has spiritually and mentally held my hand as I have gotten in touch with my inner child (amongst a whole lot of visualisation, teaching and journaling) to really get to the heart of who I am as a sensitive person- a term which sadly is so often associated with negatively as opposed to the gift it actually is when understood and nurtured. Having feared full embodiment and being grounded for as long as I can remember this is a huge step for me and not one I could take lightly or with anybody else I feel. The beauty of having a teacher is that you can park your ego and prior knowledge at the front door and enter as a wide eyed student with no preconceptions or bias, that space in which you are free to ‘not know’. It is intense, fascinating and equally so rewarding. Thank you and respect to my teacher.
On the subject of building- for me, that is one of the major themes of this coming year. We have stripped away so much (not everything maybe) and are better equipped in so many ways to process and end the recurring patterns which try us. Given this we can now better go about creating the life which resonates with us and laying down the foundations to do so. A spiritual practice here for a lot of us is essential, again this invokes themes of stable foundations, building and structure. I also do not think that this will be done in isolation. This year there will be a lot more cooperation and harmonising with others, friendship circles growing in depth and number as well as creative collaboration really paying off. For me this calls in the ethos of service and love, coming together with others to create something FOR others as well as ourselves, it is all about the love of the collective. I have seen this already myself and am so surprised and delighted by the friends I have made with whom I am yet to meet in physical form.
This hermit is going to be more social and trusting of others, again, thanks to the inner work and reflection. If this sounds a little boring to some perhaps the other theme resonating with me will be slightly more exciting for you. The breaking of barriers. I truly feel that we have done a lot of hard work on ourselves this last year (and prior) which ties in nicely with all we have discussed so far. Clearing our decks can really open us up to resounding alternate dimensional experiences with transmitted wisdom aimed at progressing us further into expansion and new realities. Trust me when I say that there is so much more to you than meets the eye both internally and externally.
When you are prepared to open up and allow yourself to connect with that which sustains and inspires you the results can be profound to say the least. I have found that these barriers can be put in place by energies so subtle and insidious that we can carry them around with us without even knowing, with a subconscious assumption or acceptance of ‘that is just the way life is’. Well actually, no. That is not so, indeed it can be a whole heap of different if we choose, and choose differently we can. In fact we must if we desire to be true to our human and higher selves. I promise you that this holds so much unexplored and breathtaking experience that you will feel spellbound at times. Get connected.
So please, if you are unhappy or feeling miserable yet don’t know where to turn start with a simple acknowledgment that it is ok to begin the inner self work to bring up to the light all that which needs to be examined under the microscope of the cosmos. You may well end up quite liking what you eventually uncover.
To everybody– here is to discovering a regroove. May we all build and grow while burning with a spark of divine love compassion and wisdom to show the way. 2019- a year to be seen and believed.